Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
This passage always reminds me that I am a changed & renewed person in the light of Christ. But that change & renewed person that stares me in the face when I look at myself in the mirror. Oftentimes, I neglect to realize that changed & renewed person that other people see — do they see the change & the renewal of the light of Christ; or is that just my own perspective? And if it is JUST my own perspective of that change & renewal, am I okay with others not knowing or finding out?
A few years, I came face to face with that startling reality — startling only because I did not expect to come face to face with that perspective in the setting that was thrust upon me. After several years working as an aide at an upper-middle class suburban middle school, my co-workers knew very scant information about me — my name, my ethnicity, where I lived, & my marital status. But they did not know anything else. This was partly my fault because I wanted to go about my work almost invisible. And the work allowed me that degree of anonymity. To certain outside observers, the very people that you should be anonymous with would be your boss, which in my case, would be the Principal & Assistant Principal. Yet that was never my strategy to hide anything from them — including my religious background.
How does it feel when all eyes are on you & some are expecting you to fail? How does it feel when the level of expectation rises to the point where failure seems like the only option? These were some of questions I had to encounter when one of my trusted colleagues at the Middle School found out that I was a Pastor. He said rather bluntly that it was not so wise of me to tell my “superiors” that I was a Pastor because that is the type of information I should keep to myself. I explained that I did that on purpose because I wanted those eyes on me. He explained, perhaps maybe, that is not the type of eyes that I should be wanting to have — in other words, a lot of times, greater scrutiny comes when someone reveals that they are a Pastor — To be a man above reproach that wears the cloth.
Can you imagine that level of scrutiny upon yourself? Can you even fathom the pressure that one must live as if they are piece of marble — seems you cannot make a little mistake? This was what my colleague was talking about — he was concerned for welfare; that I would crack or they would crack me under that intense glare. And you know what happened? The very exact opposite. Rather than more pressure & intense glare, there was a level of trust that developed between the Administrators & myself. And they saw a man, regardless of the title of Pastor, who did his job faithfully & was committed to the same goals as they were. Why was that? Was it because the title of Pastor made some kind of change in my person or was it because the title of Pastor validated & confirmed everything that the Administrators saw about me from the first day I stepped into the school.
No one likes scrutiny; we all desire anonymity — it allows us to act freely without feeling like we have to walk on egg shells to get through the day. Yet, what does the Apostle Paul mean when he wrote — I have been crucified with Christ & it is I who no longer live but Christ who lives in me. I believe he means that this life you’re living is no longer yours to be living; as if you have taken possession of this life before you met Christ. If that was your assumption, then the Apostle just threw a wrench into that thought. The life you had before Christ was a dead one, needing resuscitation of a life-giving Spirit of Life. And that life can only be found when we so desire to be crucified with Christ. Then & only then will our lives comingle with His life & the vision & essence of life becomes our reality.
For “the life I now live in the flesh, I live by Faith in the Son of God, who loved me & gave Himself for me” — this now is my new reality in the flesh. Not the flesh of the Old Man that needs to be put away & destroyed. That life had no meaning & purpose for me & you — a dead life is a dead purpose & meaning leading only to condemnation. But the true reality of purpose comes to its fullness when the Spirit of Christ moves us to live by Faith in Christ. This means our lives will be an exhibit — it will be a light unto this bitter darkness. Light must be seen & light must be shown. And yes, sadly, it comes with scrutiny. It means we will be put on exhibition & displayed as fools for following Christ; it means that our Faith may come across as weakness to some; it means that our Faith may at times cross paths with other people that disagree with as much force & passion. But in ever-increasing scale of maturity & weight of Glory, our Faith is not empty nor singularly ours to do whatever it is we want to do with it. Not at all, my friends! Our Faith is IN CHRIST! We are never bedevilled by the circumstances that surround us nor the darkness that seem to overwhem us.
For, as Matthew 28:20B says — “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
